MOVING ON FROM SOMEONE YOU NEVER DATED

"A narrated story of an Almost Relationship"

        I am writing this article because solely I am a sucker for romantic stuff, and this also means that romantic people are the ones who feel deeper in a relationship and as to why it is difficult for us to actually see if we have been loved the way we should be loved. Because romantic people often cannot see the absence of love from another person, we just give love and that's it.

In this article, I will be narrating to you about the topic "An Almost Relationship."

            Almost-relationship is a potential relationship that never gets to into that real relationship phase.

            If you are trying to move on from an almost relationship, I need you to try to understand that you are not crazy or silly for not being able to move forward from this. This kind of dynamics is really hard. When you are grieving the loss of a relationship, people immediately the first thing they ask you is how long you’ve dated this person, for how long you were in one another’s lives in a committed tangible way, and it can make you feel overwhelmed or almost silly that you never actually go there, that your heart is unbelievably hurt outside of that traditional dynamic, outside of that general understanding. But you don’t have to date someone for you to have feelings for them. You don’t have to be labeled as boyfriend or girlfriend or whatever for someone to have a special place in your heart. Commitment isn’t the only measure of a meaningful relationship. So please don’t feel silly with yourself for caring. Almost relationships can hurt just as much as real relationships because the connection isn’t measured in time. “When your heart connects with someone, it connects with someone.”

Sometimes this fostered over years, sometimes you crash your heart into another human being, and despite only knowing them for a short collection of the moment since you know that they are going to mean something. There are no rules when it comes to this. The reality of the situation is that you met someone, someone who made you feel deeply. You met someone who reciprocates what was happening within you. You met someone who wanted to hold your hand and then spend time with you, laugh with you, dream with you and dive with you. As a human being who cares deeply, as a human being who pours heart for us, there is you, fell for them. You foster the connection that wanted to go deeper, and when you feel that, when you have all of the hope within you, it can be really difficult if the other person doesn’t want to fall with you.  I think this is what makes moving on so difficult in an almost relationship. Because this kind of dynamic makes you feel like you weren’t good enough.   

            When you feel deeply for someone and they reciprocate feelings but they don’t want to commit. It is a very human reaction to feel that you are the sole reason why that commitment is not being made. It hurts to think that someone likes you but not enough. It hurts to think that someone enjoys your company but you are still not enough. It hurts to think that someone cares for you but not enough. It can make you feel you are not enough. It can make you feel like maybe if you were just a little funnier or a little more chill or little more this or little more that. That would have made them stay. That would have made them choose you. But that is not the case, because it doesn’t matter how pretty you are or how cool you are, or how intelligent you are. You could have been funnier or love them harder or acted in a more casual way to have convinced them to commit because, at the end of the day, this person wasn’t ready to be in a committed relationship. This person wasn’t ready to take the leap and that’s where they’re at. Nothing will change that. People choose this kind of wishy-washy relationship very willingly. Though they are aware of doing so. It’s because they are not ready. Whether that is because of their own circumstances or their own baggage or because they are afraid of commitments or because they just want to have fun. That is their healing. That is their growth. And that is their decision they’ve made for themselves. And you are not the reason for that. A relationship takes a lot of responsibility. And unfortunately, sometimes we crash our hearts into people who want all of the benefits of a relationship. But they can’t deal with the responsibility. 

Sometimes people aren’t honest about this. There are lots of games that play. You feel confused or hurt because things are not progressing and you aren’t being valued, on the other hand, people are sometimes honest with you about that and that becomes a decision you have to make for your own heart. You ask yourself is this something you can handle or is this something you actually want. The reality of the hint is never if we just convince ourselves because we feel deeply and care deeply. We believe in that connection. But when it comes down to participating in this kind of unknown. The emotional grey zone is about you in the end. How would it make you feel?  If someone tells you that they can’t commit to you and that breaks your heart. Walking away is the best solution. If someone plays the game with you and the dynamic is hurting you and make you question yourself and making you crazy. You have to walk away. Because when you accept an almost relationship, you are giving someone the responsibility for how the relationship emotionally impacts you. There will be no boundaries. There will be no labels. There will be no rules on both ends. The other person is the one who runs the relationship dynamic, there are no consequences for any actions that he will make. Because you have given him the responsivity to run your emotion. 

            When you settle for an almost relationship, in a way you settle for any single aspect of what a relationship could be or should be. You are settling for almost happy, you are settling for almost valued, you are settling for almost chosen. Is this what we truly want? An almost? Yes, there could be a strong connection that holds way but still in a way surface. You are not given all of the things that you desire in a relationship. You are still holding out for something that grows from so much uncertainty. But you deserve more than that. I think you kind of know that from the very beginning. That’s why moving on from almost a relationship can really be heartbreaking because you feel like in a way you broke your own heart. And it is terrifying. We let ourselves be vulnerable. And that is okay. We have a lot of love to offer. But we have to make sure that this love, this feeling is being valued and being reciprocated. This the layer of us that sometimes we don’t talk about. If we open up to our friends, we are afraid of what advice they will give because the advice that they will give is actually won’t help because you know it deep inside you can do something about it. 

             You just don’t know how to stop it because you just get into it and that is okay. It is difficult to move on from someone you really liked but it’s also harder to sit with your feelings to kind of acknowledge the ways and which you might have stayed longer than you know that you should have. It can be really hard to admit to yourself that you agreed to something you knew you are not going to be fulfilled in because you thought you could change the circumstances. You thought that you can make it work in the end. That you would be chosen. That the concept of what you two shared would evolve. You feel ashamed and upset because you didn’t listen to yourself. That you didn’t allow yourself to be honest about what you actually wanted. What was hurting you

            This sting adds to the healing process. So, if that is where you are right now, in this kind of space where you set yourself for not communicating what you wanted or upset with yourself, making you doubt yourself.

I want you to be gentle with yourself. It’s okay. I got it, that you met someone, that someone makes you feel special, you met someone you really like, you spent time with them and laugh with them and dreamt with them and make memories with them, had inside jokes with them and learned about them. And your heart grows fond of them. I want you to feel all of this feeling and give yourself permission to keep that in your life. Even if you knew that deep side in your heart you needed more. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for trying for something. For believing in a connection and believing for what it could be. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for seeing the goodness in another human being. Give yourself permission to forgive yourself for putting your heart out there. And now, give yourself permission to be deeply honest with yourself about what the relationship was, not what you hoped it could be.

Almost relationships cut deeply because they tend to make a human heart live within that what-if phase. When you are at the beginning stages of a relationship when you’re trying to see parts of yourself line up of one another. You live within this concept, of this perpetual potential. There is so much to be experienced, so much beauty to be had, so many feelings to feel. When you exist within almost, you’re always building out an idea of someone or something that has yet to be grounded by real life. In that way you kind of romanticize what ‘could be’

At the end of the day no matter how much potential you believe there is it’s not being chosen. That potential isn’t being valued. That potential is not being shown up for. It is hard to come up with this term. How hard that honesty can feel. It is not easy to feel like you are getting closure and moving on when you aren’t even sure what you are really moving on from. But the truth is that we won’t always end up with those we feel something deep and meaningful with.  

Some chapters of our lives are full and dizzying in the best way with concrete endings and concrete closure but some chapters end quickly. Sometimes in the middle of the page. Sometimes even before we’re ready and we don’t often realize is closure too because it’s still an ending. Please remember that you want to be loved and chosen not almost loved or almost chosen. If someone can’t do that you truly are better off alone. This is not your person. Because the right person will be consistent, the right person will put forth the appropriate amount of effort. The right person will make everything feel easy and natural. The right person will choose you, the right person will stay. Remind yourself that you deserve the beauty you see with someone to come to fruition. You deserve to feel like someone is excited to be with you.

You deserve to feel like someone is excited to commit to you and dive into you and try for something concrete and foundational with you. You deserve someone who was on the same page as you. You deserve someone who wants the same things, someone who wants to meet all your hopes and actions. You deserve to have someone who asserts their heart and stands for it. Someone who isn’t afraid of being responsible for your heart. You deserve someone who embraces you for being who you are. And most importantly you deserve someone who will see you as flawed but still chose you because you matter to them and you are worthy and the prize that they have been waiting for their life.

             For those who always into this kind of relationship, I want you to reflect on this and let this narrative sink in. Are you going to do this to yourself again? To feel the uncertainties, the confusion of an "Almost Relationship? When you could have dive into the real feelings outside of it. You choose what is hurting you when there are still plenty out there who will match and give you the certainty you deserve? The healing process will go soon. I just want you to know that it is okay to feel all of this, as part of an atom in this particular World “to be hurt is what makes the person feel alive.” But this feeling should not be accustomed, for we are not destined to be in pain and agony all of the time. We deserve at our happiest state of mind. ‘’Choose those who choose you” Be with someone who makes you feel your best and real self. Be with someone who makes you do better in every aspect of your life. And never ever forget that in attracting the right people into your life, you matter and you deserve all the love you will give.

Your Relationship Guide,

BELLE